Of course I'll miss it! This same statement and the logic behind it is the reason that anybody has more than one child. There's something that kicks in to foster strong feelings of nostalgia that keeps us focused on the good of the past. However, many times when we are focused on the past, it is hard to appreciate the blessings of the present and we may find ourselves wishing away the future. There is always something to look back on or look forward to.... the hard part for me is being comfortable in the here and now.
And if I think about this fact, it is easy to see that I am missing big picture. I am getting caught up in what I don't have and forgetting to be grateful and express gratitude for my blessings. Especially at this time of year, I need to be grateful that I am surrounded by people who love and support me.
When I typically think about the lonely, my first thoughts are drawn to the elderly folks in my life. Those people you visit at care centers or your grandparents who soak up every detail of your life that you share with them. This year, however, I have learned to be more aware of those around me who are the invisible lonely. Who am I talking about? Well, for starters, I have a good friend who is going through a contentious divorce and this holiday season is the first time that she is going to have to be separated from her children through some of the holidays. Just today, I had the opportunity to attend her daughters' dance recital (with her family) while she sat home and watched via FaceTime because her soon-to-be ex-husband was "punishing" her. As I spent time with her today, I was struck by how lonely she must be feeling. She is the one that makes sure they have dance clothes, and costumes and get to their dance classes each week, and yet she sat home alone today. The silence, I can imagine, was deafening.
Another example that comes to mind is my brother's mother-in-law. Her husband passed away in the spring and their family has forged ahead through 2016 and a lot of firsts without him. As they try to figure out the new normal, I am struck by the loneliness they must feel as they deal with the reality before them. His loud laugh and silly jokes will be notably absent this season.... and when my brother and his family (along with the rest of her siblings) leave her house on Christmas Day, she will sit on the couch by herself and watch the lights on the tree.
Even folks who on the outside appear to have the blessing and comfort of family may find themselves being lonely. I guess even I can relate to this. I have so many things going on at once, and often they come into conflict with each other. The things that I truly want to do take a backseat, and sometimes it is easy for me to begin to feel alone; no one but myself to work on my goals.
Maybe this last year has brought some choices and actions that have taken us down a different path than the one we thought we'd be on. For better or for worse, it may only be traveled by us. Or at least, that's what it can feel like.
One of the things that I love about the Christmas season is the fact that there are LOTS of opportunities to see the hand of God in my life, and for whatever reason, during this time of year, I am more willing to look for it and patient to receive it. Many times, there is a conscious effort on my part to look for good, to show love and provide service. Jesus Christ is the ultimate example of showing love; regardless of whether the recipient deserved it or not. The least I can do, as one that portends to follow Him is to be like He is.
In Mosiah 18:8-9 we read:
8 And it came to pass that he
said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they
called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be
called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may
be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea,
and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of
God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even
until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the
first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—
As a follower of Christ, I have the responsibility to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. I have the opportunity to do these things as a service to those around me and as a means of teaching me the gifts of the Spirit. So, if I want to make a list of the ways that I can visit the lonely, I will start with some of the following:
- Go to breakfast with my friend who finds herself alone and without her children at Christmas.
- Pray for peace and love for family friends who have lost loved ones.
- Send a card, or email, or text to someone who, for health reasons, may find themselves alone.
- Give a hug to a college student who is struggling through the semester and learning how to survive on their own.
- Lighten someone's burden by being willing to share in their sorrow and help to bear that burden.
- Be a listening, non-judgemental presence in the life of someone who needs just that.
- Take the time to listen to someone that needs to be heard. Offer feedback if desired, but mostly just acknowledge them and the cares and concerns in their minds and hearts.
- Be inclusive; look for ways to include people in celebrations and activities. Help them to showcase their talents and let their light shine.
I hate it when I feel as though my actions contribute to someone feeling lonely or forgotten. It is really easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of my life, but I know if I will only try to think of others as much as I think of myself, my life will be infinitely better for trying to follow the example of the Savior.
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