What You Do When "SHE" is a "HE"

I have never claimed to be an expert in much of anything. Granted, I know a lot, about a lot of different stuff, but that mostly results in me spewing out odd facts and having people look at me like I'm overmedicated.

Now back to what I don't know. I don't know how to sex a chicken. Apparently, neither do the farmers that provide the baby chicks to IFA, because we recently discovered that my lovely Speckled Sussex hen, Eliza was actually a loud, ornery rooster; Ebeneezer.

When we put our two newest hens into the mix in early June, there were a few hiccups, but we have done it before and there is always a struggle to re-establish the pecking order. None of the other hens seemed to like Eliza; except for the other newbie, Rosie, who will heretofore be known as the "chicken-bitch." We thought she was looking for protection because she is a smaller breed. Turns out, big bad Eliza owned her! Anyway, our hens started making fewer noises, some of the established ones started losing their tail feathers, there was one morning the feeder was covered in blood and our feisty leader, Leslie, with her lieutenants Maud and Alice started to become very broody; having to be removed from the nesting boxes to collect eggs.

Fast forward to the last weekend in July when we brought "Eliza" out for show-and-tell while we had some neighbors over for a barbecue. Wow, look at her feet; they're huge. Her feathers are beautiful. My chicken dream come true. And then.... Monday morning, really early, I heard an unfamiliar noise coming from my hen house.

Let me tell you, to begin with, that hens like to make a lot of noise after they lay eggs; kind of like a daily birth announcement. But I had never heard this noise before. Well, it kind of went on all day, and I'm thinking, "that's weird, maybe one of the girls has something stuck in their tailpipe."

Next day, same story; only louder and more frequent. Matt does a little research, and low and behold, Eliza is Ebeneezer. Matt comes upstairs and says, "it's not so much that I'm sure we have a rooster, but I'm sure we don't have a hen." Oh, and he throws out, "I'm going to slaughter it."

Okay, if any of you have cars that don't run, bring them to my front yard and I'll have the blocks to put them up on. My boys will be in their wife-beaters and the girls will be wearing their Daisy Dukes! We are WHITE TRASH! Do you think I'm kidding? Nope, he killed the thing.

Word spread throughout the neighborhood and we acquired an audience. I can't tell you how many phone calls I made saying "I need your explicit permission for your child to watch my husband kill a chicken so that we can't be sued to cover the cost of therapy."

Now a few words of advice, in case you ever find yourself needing to kill a rooster. It doesn't matter that your husband thinks your kitchen knives are sharp enough to cut their neck arteries; they aren't, unless your husband is Bill the Butcher. I've since heard the best way to kill a chicken is to grab it by legs and step on it's head, so I'm filing that away for next time.

Ugghhhhhhh...... we named it! It was a pet!

Anyway, plucking a chicken and culling the guts is disgusting. Dachshunds evidently like chicken spinal cords and it WILL give them the runs.

Because the knives weren't sharp enough, Ebeneezer actually had his brains scrambled... THREE TIMES. It's true, they keep twitching after they're dead, hence the multiple scrambling.

Because of this trauma, his little muscles seized and the meat was pretty tough (I'm told, because I didn't eat him.... WE NAMED HIM!)

Well, I will say that I am impressed by the resourcefulness of my sweet husband, but there's a reason I buy my chicken on a styrofoam plate at the grocery store. I have always said that I would have been one of the pioneers who begged to be left on the side of the trail to make my peace with death, and this chicken experience confirms it. I was born to be pampered!

Needless to say, through all of this, order has been restored in our hen house and things are going well for all the girls. All of them, except "chicken-bitch." She's still owned!

Wild About the Water

I don't have a ton of pictures for this post, but we have done quite a bit of swimming this summer. We swam on our vacation, and we love swimming at Grandma's pool. The girls have gone to Cherry Hill and we've even played in the creek at the park and the lake at the ward campout. The best fun this year has been our passes to Seven Peaks Salt Lake. We bought the Pass of All Passes on Groupon and have been two or three times; okay, not a ton, but you try taking four little people to a water park. Matt and the big kids love the slides and the wave pool and Will and I love chilling in the shade and getting our toes wet in the lazy river.

Once Jack saw Will's rash guard for his swimsuit, he wanted one, so he found Erin's old one. Didn't seem to bother him that it was girly!

Will always seems to be amazed by his cousin Aspen. Like he can't believe that there is another little person who crawls around on the ground.

I wish I could say that I had more photos of my family having fun in the water, but they don't stop swimming long enough for me to get them!

Remembering Grandma Jones

Joyce Evelyn Porter Jones

1928-2011

Joyce Evelyn Porter Jones passed away on August 5, 2011 surrounded by her loved ones. Joyce was born in Lamesa, Texas on April 9, 1928 to Ray and Iva Porter. She was the third daughter and middle child. She spoke of her growing-up years as happy ones despite the Great Depression and Dust Bowl that gripped the country.

When Joyce was 14, her family moved to Odell, Oregon where she attended high school and met her future husband, Wayne Jones. After graduating from high school, she moved to Seattle with her sisters Veda and Donnie and went to school to be a Beauty Technician; achieving one of her dreams.

She married Wayne on April 4, 1949 in San Diego and became a Navy bride. Their little family soon grew to include daughter Brenda, sons Gary and Ron, and daughter Margo.

Joyce loved to spend time with her friends and family and spent her lifetime nurturing relationships with all those she came in contact with. As we have spent time with her over the last couple of years, we have heard many stories and seen many pictures of the people whose lives she has touched.

In 1971, Wayne and Joyce moved to Washington where they built a business (S&W Construction) and made many friends. Over the last decade they have spent their time together at home.

Joyce loved poetry and had several of her poems published. She was a lefty and could write in mirror image, a trick that greatly amused her grandchildren. She loved to work in her garden and had beautiful flowers. She loved the color lavender, fishing for salmon and gospel music. She was also known to tap her toe anytime she felt the beat of a good country-western song. She loved her family. She hated her freckles; she remembered praying as a child that God would take her freckles away. She loved to sew and embroider, before her eyesight kept her from it. Joyce was a wonderful grandmother, who always took the time to be with her grandchildren. She loved to help them with craft projects. No trip to Grandma’s was complete without a treasure sent home. Joyce was a treasure to all of her grandchildren.

Joyce is survived by her loving husband Wayne. They were married for 62 years and he has lovingly and carefully cared for her during these last hard years. She is also survived by her children: Brenda (Tim) Homer of Salt Lake City, Gary (Betty) Jones of Tacoma, Ron (Michelle) Jones of Yelm and Margo (Ed) Kittle of Packwood. Grandma will also live on in the hearts of her eight grandchildren, their spouses and her 15 great-grandchildren. She is also survived by numerous nieces and nephews who were like extra children to her.

Joyce was preceded in death by her parents, sisters Veda White, Donnie Tieman, Nita Miles and by her brother Olen Porter.

*************************************************************************************

For posterity's sake, Joyce will be buried on Monday, August 15th at the Tahoma National Cemetery, 18600 SE 240th Street, Kent, Washington.

Her grandchildren are:

Tammy (Neal) Sartain, University Place, Washington

Ali (Jeff) Hymer, University Place, Washington

Rebekah (Matt) Pierce, Centerville, Utah

Maurice (Deanna) Ball, Olympia, Washington

Jeffery Kittle, Washington

Benjamin (Shanna) Homer, West Jordan, Utah

Tawnya (Dave) Dopita, Park City, Utah

Gregory (Sarah) Homer, Columbus, Ohio

Great-Grandchildren Include:

Jade Hymer

Marisa Ball

Aidan Sartain

Erin Pierce

Solana Sartain

Allison Pierce

Morrison Ball

Mason Ball

Leah Homer

Jack Pierce

Elizabeth Homer

Andrew Homer

Lily Dopita

Abigail Homer

William Pierce

Six Months.... Where Does The Time Go?

I can hardly believe this guy has been around for over half the year. Technically, he's closer to 7 months that 6, but because we just had the doctor appointment yesterday, the blog update is today.

Will tipped the scales at 18 pounds even. I thought he was closer to 20, but evidently my mom's scale may be off a bit. That puts Will at exactly the 50th percentile.

Will measured 27.5 " long. That puts him in the 76th percentile and keeps our hoop dreams alive.

The biggest part of Will, like all of our kids, is his head. He is in the 90th percentile for his head size.

Going by these measurements, Will be tall, slim and brilliant... not a bad combo if you ask me.

At six months, Will has long ago rolled over and has learned that by doing so repetitively, he can get just about anywhere he wants to go. He hasn't exactly learned to crawl yet, but he tries really hard. On Sunday, he made it up on all fours for the first time.

Will loves his Mom, which can I just say, is awesome? He actually cries when I leave. I know this isn't supposed to be encouraged, but it's a first for me, so I'm indulging a bit. He has adorable dimples and loves to play with his brothers and sisters. He is the most content baby. The only times he really cries are when he needs to be changed or when he's hungry. Once those basic needs are met, he is back to Mr. Happy Baby.

We like to call him Mr. Will, the Will-boy or Monkey and his dark eyes with their long lashes light up every time you talk to him.

We are still working to get him over the cough that has plagued him since he was born. The doc gave us a scrip for an inhaler, so hopefully that helps.

He is babbling a lot (much different than Jack) and I swear, has said Mama. His napping still comes in fits and starts, and is often only when he's being held, but I don't mind indulging him a bit.

He may cut teeth someday, but until then, we'll just keep changing his shirt multiple times a day.

William is a delight. He has been the perfect addition to our family and makes us all happy. I'm looking forward to having him all to myself once the big kids start school; we will be buddies and have the best time.

A Very Merry Unbirthday!

I wasn't blogging much when we celebrated Jack's 5th birthday this year, so a half-birthday is just as good, right? Well, no, but it's going to have to do this year.

Where to start about my little Jack-man? He has changed my life! When this little man came into our home, it was clear within a week or two that everything we thought we knew about being parents had changed. That hasn't changed. He is busy; he likes to climb and he is into everything! That being said, he is wicked-smart, sweet as can be and loves everyone.

Some of my favorite things about Jack:

• He loves to snuggle with his mom. When my girls were little, they weren't really into being held and loved all that much. Jack has always been a cuddly boy and he still loves to climb into bed with me and snuggle.
• He is uber-coordinated. This boy learned to ride a two-wheeler at 3 and has no fear. In fact, the only time I worry about him is when someone tries to "help" him. That throws off his groove. Amazingly for a 5-year-old, he knows his own limits.
• He loves his dad. He is a great helper.... and not just in the ceremonial sense. Jack earnestly looks for and fills needs. He is always wanting to dress like his dad and do the things his dad does. I hope that this always stays the same.
• He is a social butterfly. He is just so sure that everyone loves him, and most everyone does. It never fails that someone has a "Jack story" for me. He is truly a ray of sunshine.
• I find even the naughtiest of things he does, adorable. Below are a few pictures of some of Jack's exploits.

Simply said, I adore this boy. He is the bright spot in my day and he never fails to make me happy that I'm his mother. I guess in some ways, I was always a little bit envious of the relationship my mom had with my brothers (I'm not anymore). However, after having Jack, and now Will, I think the mother-son relationship is so special and I am so grateful that I have these little guys in my life.