Now, with that out of the way, here are some of the things I have learned this summer.
1. Summer is all about cramming things in. We have been super busy this summer. So busy in fact that I feel like time should stop and we should live for three more weeks in a timeless existence, to just have some time to chill. We cram, because we spend the whole school year feeling fun-deprived. So many things to do: homework, lessons, scouts, meetings, errands, etc. So, because we are fun-deprived and vulnerable (okay, maybe that's just me) we plan fun things for summer. At our house, that means travel. It also includes scheduling family time around work trips, Girls Camp, Youth Conference, etc. Suffice it to say, this summer has flown by and I'm not ready for school to start.
3. Elementary with Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu has been discovered on Hulu and it has been a super fun show to binge on. Next up, the Gilmore Girls; because I think after watching them with Suzy, Allie and Lexi, that I know enough about the show to push through the first few episodes.
Having a teenage driver is awesome! I don't love the fact that this new found freedom seems to require that every meal she eats must come from a restaurant of some sort.... but she understands something her dad doesn't; every time she's out and about, she stops and gets me a Diet Coke with light ice, and shots of cherry and vanilla. That's pretty awesome!
Having a teenage driver is awesome! I don't love the fact that this new found freedom seems to require that every meal she eats must come from a restaurant of some sort.... but she understands something her dad doesn't; every time she's out and about, she stops and gets me a Diet Coke with light ice, and shots of cherry and vanilla. That's pretty awesome!
4. Comparison is the thief of joy. I have heard that thought SOOOOO many times in my life, but it can be difficult to remember this in our daily lives. Thanks to a few days alone with Allie in San Francisco, I had this point driven home in a major way. At home, with all four kids, and life in general, we put things and people in boxes. We have been taught to categorize things so that it allows us to process everything that is necessary for daily life. But in doing this, we may or may not ascribe things to certain people that can be detrimental to the relationships we are building. Having the opportunity to spend five whole days with just Allie gave me a lot of insight into who she is and what she needs. She is not like her sister (thank goodness for both of them.) They have their own talents, abilities and struggles. When I compare my kids to each other, or anyone else to myself, I lose the joy that makes life interesting. So, we may be weird, but we own it.
5. My friend Lisa is a genius. Like, for reals (not really news.) There are people who come into your life that are like a missing piece of your soul. Lisa is the best part of my soul. She has such wonderful insights on life and keeping it real. When we were at Girls Camp this summer, she presented a class about Creating a Healthy Lifestyle. Now, Lisa is a dietician, and she has been a Type 1 diabetic since she was a kid.... so you may think this class was about food. But it wasn't. It was about focusing on ourselves as a whole and learning how to balance the things that pull us apart. I am including some of the info that she presented because it is SO DANG GOOD. The girls were supposed to remember one idea or phrase from each of the eight classes they attended; Lisa's phrase was "When in doubt, throw it out." In other words, get rid of the stuff that doesn't matter; things that keep us from the best work of building our life, our relationship with God and our Savior and our family relationships. Here are her six ways to create a healthy lifestyle:
#1 Work on a good relationship with Heavenly Father. If there is anything that will
jeopardize this relationship. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
You can’t have a good relationship with someone you don’t know. In order to know
Heavenly Father you need to read about him in the scriptures and get to know his
through prayer. Be very, very real with Heavenly Father in your prayers, but be
respectful; learn how to use Thee, Thou and Thine while addressing him.
Ideas for Personal Prayer
*Ask Heavenly Father if He loves you. You have been told all of your life that you are
a child of God, but you need to ask him and receive a confirmation.
*Thank him for your body. There are all different sorts of bodies, you may or may
not like your or there may be something wrong with it. But there are more things
that work in your body than what doesn’t work. Bodies are miraculous no matter
what they look like and they should be appreciated. If you can get these words out
to your Heavenly Father every day “I thank thee for my body,” you will begin to like
yourself more and be more grateful.
*What he would like you to do today?
*Share confidence with him.
*Ask him how to repent/change/forgive.
*Admit weakness and ask for help.
*Ask for an eternal perspective. When we get dramatic about what is going on in
our lives at the moment, we tend to forget that what happens today is a relatively
small thing in the grand plan of our lives.
*Know you are invoking power when you end with “in the name of Jesus Christ.”
Consider the power you are using when you pray. One of the reasons Christ
suffered for us was so that we could communicate with Heavenly Father and have
power to invoke his blessings. Because you are praying in the name of Jesus Christ,
put a little more consideration into what you ask or are grateful for.
*Help me feel, recognize the spirit.
*Ask for strength.
*Help me understand a specific doctrine/truth.
*Thank Him for the ability to pray.
*Give praise to God in prayer.
*Offer prayers of gratitude only sometimes.
*Pray to know what to pray for.
*Pray for someone you’ve never prayed for before
#2 Make your own life. Be careful to not let peer pressure mold you into something
you don’t want to be or don’t feel good about. If there is anything that would deter
you from becoming who you want to be. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
What you make of your life is between you and Heavenly Father. He is the only
validation you need, not validation from the likes you get on social media or telling
people about good things you’ve done.
When we place our confidence in God rather than in ourselves, our need for selfesteem
takes care of itself – not because of our manipulation of successful
experiences but because our fundamental attitude allows us access to the only
trustworthy source for knowing that the course of life we pursue is known to and
accepted by God. The heart of it all is not self-confidence. It is confidence in him,
and in his power to make us into creatures far beyond the reach of what our goalsetting
and goal-achieving can ultimately accomplish in the process of becoming as
he is.
–Bruce C. Hafen
#3 Choose good role models. Find people who exemplify the 13th Article of Faith
and follow them. If you follow people who care about things that won’t really
matter in the next life. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
Here are the characteristics from the 13th Article of Faith: honest, true, chaste,
benevolent, virtuous, doing good to all men/women, believe, hope, endure, virtuous,
lovely, good report, praiseworthy. Find people who have these characteristics and follow them.
#4 Avoid Extremes. . . with eating, exercise, clothes, body image, language and
thoughts. If you find yourself using extremes that create an inaccurate perception of
real life. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
Extremes paint the wrong picture. Extremes cloud and blur real life, making it hard
to see the detail of what really needs to change. A helpful hint: if you are often using
the words: always or never, you are operating in extremes. Examples: I am never
going to be a good student (not true, you have control over this). Examples of
extremes in language: you don’t have to speak like Nephi, but you don’t have to
swear often. Use good language! Examples in nutrition: Do not go on the cabbage
diet or do not go on the twinkie diet. Eat foods from all food groups, do not exclude
any food, but try to be balanced.
#5 Choose a positive attitude. Even if everything seems difficult, you can still choose
your attitude. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
You may not have a choice in many things, but you can always, always choose your
attitude. Find something to be grateful for or positive about and focus on that.
Complaining rarely helps a situation. Count your blessings. Example of a positive
attitude: Man’s Search For Meaning – Victor Frankl noticed that those who survived
concentration camps or survived the longest were those who found something to be
grateful for and concentrated on that. Also from The Hiding Place, the women in
Corrie ten Booms bunk house in the concentration camp were grateful for fleas
because that meant the guards would leave them alone.
#6 You are in control of you. Be responsible for your actions or inaction. If you find
yourself in a mindset of blaming others . . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
Be accountable for what you do or fail to do. Own it. Be honest and brave and
gracious about admitting wrongs or weaknesses. Don’t make excuses for yourself,
just say what you’ve done, ask for forgiveness if necessary, make any reparations,
then move on (and pray or help others move on as well). Blaming others prevents
you from changing what YOU need to change about yourself. Blaming others makes
you think others should change, but you have no control over changing others, only
yourself.
See what I mean? She is super awesome. So grateful to have her in my life.
jeopardize this relationship. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
You can’t have a good relationship with someone you don’t know. In order to know
Heavenly Father you need to read about him in the scriptures and get to know his
through prayer. Be very, very real with Heavenly Father in your prayers, but be
respectful; learn how to use Thee, Thou and Thine while addressing him.
Ideas for Personal Prayer
*Ask Heavenly Father if He loves you. You have been told all of your life that you are
a child of God, but you need to ask him and receive a confirmation.
*Thank him for your body. There are all different sorts of bodies, you may or may
not like your or there may be something wrong with it. But there are more things
that work in your body than what doesn’t work. Bodies are miraculous no matter
what they look like and they should be appreciated. If you can get these words out
to your Heavenly Father every day “I thank thee for my body,” you will begin to like
yourself more and be more grateful.
*What he would like you to do today?
*Share confidence with him.
*Ask him how to repent/change/forgive.
*Admit weakness and ask for help.
*Ask for an eternal perspective. When we get dramatic about what is going on in
our lives at the moment, we tend to forget that what happens today is a relatively
small thing in the grand plan of our lives.
*Know you are invoking power when you end with “in the name of Jesus Christ.”
Consider the power you are using when you pray. One of the reasons Christ
suffered for us was so that we could communicate with Heavenly Father and have
power to invoke his blessings. Because you are praying in the name of Jesus Christ,
put a little more consideration into what you ask or are grateful for.
*Help me feel, recognize the spirit.
*Ask for strength.
*Help me understand a specific doctrine/truth.
*Thank Him for the ability to pray.
*Give praise to God in prayer.
*Offer prayers of gratitude only sometimes.
*Pray to know what to pray for.
*Pray for someone you’ve never prayed for before
#2 Make your own life. Be careful to not let peer pressure mold you into something
you don’t want to be or don’t feel good about. If there is anything that would deter
you from becoming who you want to be. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
What you make of your life is between you and Heavenly Father. He is the only
validation you need, not validation from the likes you get on social media or telling
people about good things you’ve done.
When we place our confidence in God rather than in ourselves, our need for selfesteem
takes care of itself – not because of our manipulation of successful
experiences but because our fundamental attitude allows us access to the only
trustworthy source for knowing that the course of life we pursue is known to and
accepted by God. The heart of it all is not self-confidence. It is confidence in him,
and in his power to make us into creatures far beyond the reach of what our goalsetting
and goal-achieving can ultimately accomplish in the process of becoming as
he is.
–Bruce C. Hafen
#3 Choose good role models. Find people who exemplify the 13th Article of Faith
and follow them. If you follow people who care about things that won’t really
matter in the next life. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
Here are the characteristics from the 13th Article of Faith: honest, true, chaste,
benevolent, virtuous, doing good to all men/women, believe, hope, endure, virtuous,
lovely, good report, praiseworthy. Find people who have these characteristics and follow them.
#4 Avoid Extremes. . . with eating, exercise, clothes, body image, language and
thoughts. If you find yourself using extremes that create an inaccurate perception of
real life. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
Extremes paint the wrong picture. Extremes cloud and blur real life, making it hard
to see the detail of what really needs to change. A helpful hint: if you are often using
the words: always or never, you are operating in extremes. Examples: I am never
going to be a good student (not true, you have control over this). Examples of
extremes in language: you don’t have to speak like Nephi, but you don’t have to
swear often. Use good language! Examples in nutrition: Do not go on the cabbage
diet or do not go on the twinkie diet. Eat foods from all food groups, do not exclude
any food, but try to be balanced.
#5 Choose a positive attitude. Even if everything seems difficult, you can still choose
your attitude. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts. . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
You may not have a choice in many things, but you can always, always choose your
attitude. Find something to be grateful for or positive about and focus on that.
Complaining rarely helps a situation. Count your blessings. Example of a positive
attitude: Man’s Search For Meaning – Victor Frankl noticed that those who survived
concentration camps or survived the longest were those who found something to be
grateful for and concentrated on that. Also from The Hiding Place, the women in
Corrie ten Booms bunk house in the concentration camp were grateful for fleas
because that meant the guards would leave them alone.
#6 You are in control of you. Be responsible for your actions or inaction. If you find
yourself in a mindset of blaming others . . .
WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!
Be accountable for what you do or fail to do. Own it. Be honest and brave and
gracious about admitting wrongs or weaknesses. Don’t make excuses for yourself,
just say what you’ve done, ask for forgiveness if necessary, make any reparations,
then move on (and pray or help others move on as well). Blaming others prevents
you from changing what YOU need to change about yourself. Blaming others makes
you think others should change, but you have no control over changing others, only
yourself.
See what I mean? She is super awesome. So grateful to have her in my life.
6. Having a daughter who likes to cook and bake is a total win for the family. Allie is more that happy to cook for all of us and that has made life in our home so much better. She especially loves making Sunday dinner. I am so grateful for this because food is SO HARD for me. Not necessarily because of what I can or can't eat, but because food is a loaded subject and it's hard to make objective healthy decisions when there's nothing that sounds good, except candy. Which I love; but we can't eat it all the time. We can't eat it all the time. We can't eat it all the time.
7. My name is Rebekah and I am an addict. No drugs, unless you're counting Diet Coke. If that's the case, I may need to make my peace with addiction. No, I am addicted to paper. You remember the show Cheers? Best Norm-isms And yes, it is now clear how far TV has progressed when watching these clips, but they illustrate my point; on the paper products and the Diet Coke. Good heavens I love Etsy; and all the printable goodies that are available for purchase. Even better? My folks at Alphagraphics who help me out. They greet me by name when I walk in the store, they ask about my kids, my niece Jilly and I actually have a "designated box" for my print projects. I love it. You add this to my new found fascination with the world of planners (it's a thing, I promise) and I have gone on a four month paper bender. I need help, but I love paper, and pens and stickers. Oh, and lamination. It just makes everything so darn durable; and reusable. I have lots of fun things I have made over the last couple of years that makes me literally, the life of any party. And then one final footnote about the Diet Coke. I'm lobbying Swig to name my drink and put it on the menu as the Bekster. Who doesn't love a Diet Coke spiked with cherry and vanilla and served over light ice? We can't be friends if you don't.
8. Bad things happen to good people. My sweet friend Jenny is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy in June and now has a year of chemo and radiation ahead of her. She has always been such a bright spot in my life that it is hard to watch her go through this.... but she's handling it so well. She should be in the market for a wig soon, so may I suggest one of the following:
You would be super fun Jenny! We could go clubbing on the way home from chemo!
9. Don't worry, the laundry isn't going to run away. I guarantee that it will always be dirty and where you left it. There may be laundry friends that show up.... my laundry room is currently hosting a rave! I keep telling myself I'll get caught up, but it hasn't happened yet. But I do have to say that Matt is a laundry boss! He gets it done and I love him for it.
10. We need to bring back Date Night at our house. Matt and I have been running in two different directions all summer. More than once I have left for somewhere in the morning and he has left before I get back home. So, as Matt and I were watching "Jason Bourne" yesterday morning at 11:30 (because that was when Date Night fit in the schedule) I thought to myself, "we need to do this more often." Note to Matt: feel free to bring Matt Damon along on any of our dates if you'd like to.
11. Writing in a journal helps me interpret my feelings. I am one of those people who generally walk around life without a filter.... or at least, I used to be. I still like to speak my mind, and take advantage of this God-given talent often, but I have learned that there are some things you want to say that you just shouldn't. I shouldn't speak when I'm angry. I need to keep my thoughts to myself when I'm confused and if speaking my mind isn't going to change the situation, I might be better off not to share. THIS IS A 40-YEAR-BREAKTHROUGH FOLKS! So, I have written in journals a lot this summer. It's a way to get my hurt feelings out, hopefully without doing too much damage. Writing also helps me to sort through my feelings, look for patterns, find my triggers and see what I can or am willing to change. If anyone were to find my journals, they might think they resemble the rantings of the Unabomber, but I think it is a productive method of becoming more self-aware. I'm not sure that I'm willing to share my progress with this area yet, but I think writing is therapeutic.
12. Life managing six schedules is hectic, but I do it well. We have spent our time at home this summer (which hasn't been much) trying to fit in swimming lessons and math tutoring. Tae kwon do, swim team practice, piano and violin lessons have been part of the regimen too. So, if I've learned anything, I've learned that we as a family can do hard things and that's good; because I don't see it letting up any time soon.
13. Politics in our country are messed up! Like really messed up. From the top to the bottom. Donald Trump scares the crap out of me. I am honestly amazed that this charade has continued for this long. I hate that Hillary Clinton is being portrayed as dishonest, and that this is the only thing that people ever say about her. I hate that there are those around me who will vote for Trump simply because he's a Republican. I think we need to get rid of the straight ticket vote. If you feel that strongly about one party's platform versus another's, its not too much to ask for you to have to check multiple boxes. And if you're voting straight party ticket because its easier, then you shouldn't have the right to vote. Folks who don't vote in the primaries should get forty lashes with a wet noodle. They're the reason we are stuck with the choices we have. Seriously people.... go and vote.
14. I think I have determined that my brain is wired differently than many of my neighbors. So different that I find myself wondering if we're talking about the same issues. The citizenry of Centerville is split distinctly into two camps; those individuals who are willing to sacrifice and serve others for the good of the whole community, and those who will have a two-foot strip of land ripped from their cold dead hands before they'll give an ounce to anyone. These are also the folks that routinely bring up litigation for the settling of grievances. I love the idea of honoring the past and appreciating our history, but I can't abide folks who want to live in the past; who want to use old solutions to solve new problems. I am frustrated that many of the people I live around appear to live only for today, or for their lifetime, but that they don't stop to consider what kind of a community we are leaving for future generations. August saw my personal debut as an "activist" as I was encouraged to share my opinions about the development of Centerville's Main Street with the public at the City Council meeting. I was all at once honored and scared to death. Although I have never (okay, rarely never) been at a loss for words, I stood up and instead of presenting my carefully crafted remarks, I spent a lot of time talking about crosswalks and probably came across as another idiot housewife.... not that housewives are idiots, that's just how I felt that night. But, the quest for beautification and citizen involvement continues.
15. To be grateful for good friends. One of the best things that happened to us this summer was that our friends, the McEwan's retired from the Army and are now back in the land of milk and honey. My girls are psyched to have Raith and Zach in the same time zone and I am happy that there is someone else who knew me before my brain turned to mommy mush. On July 10, we had a party with friends to welcome them home. It was awesome to just sit down and talk, let the kids play. A few of the grown-ups did karaoke and it was nice to be able to honor Ryan and Heather a bit. We made and gave Ryan this really cool board that showed all of his postings and deployments, and I made a bunch of bracelets for Heather with charms for every state they lived in. And you can bet there was a letter; because there's nothing I like better than a captive audience and seven pages of thoughts and musings. I have included it below for your reading enjoyment: you're welcome!
July 10, 2016
Dear Heather & Ryan-
As the plans for this evening
were taking shape, I wanted to make sure that we took a minute to recognize
your awesome family. We have a few
gifts, which time will tell whether they hit the mark or not. But more than anything, I thought that my
best gift to you guys would be some sort of letter. Mostly because strongly worded letters are my
specialty. And as I sit here, in my bed
at 1:52 am on June 16 (the day of your retirement ceremony) with two sprawling
boys and a dog who thinks herself above all other living creatures in this
house, I thought I’d take a minute to jot down a few thoughts and ideas to
share.
First, let me say, that it
seems a bit bizarre to be here. I have
known the two of you….. FOREVER! We
double dated in high school (and that night at Sweeheart’s Ball in 1993 will
always live in infamy.) Little did I
know at the time that that would be the first of many times in my adult life
where I sat and scratched my head, and if I’m honest, rolled my eyes, while
Heather went about scripting and orchestrating the events of our lives.
As you may have noticed, we
both have very strong personalities…. We are similar in some ways (the ones
that matter) but are very different in others.
In the long run this has probably been the key to the longevity of our
friendship. It is critical in our lives
that we find people to support us in our efforts; even if that sometimes means
they call us out or deliver news that we don’t want to hear.
After nearly 30 years of
friendship, all of the pretense is gone and the edges of our lives have been
worn, sometimes painfully, down. Like
two rocks in a raging river, Heather and I have sat together through the torrents
of life and although worn down, we are still here.
As you will come to
understand, most of my remarks today are my personal feelings about
Heather. Ryan and the kids factor in
because obviously they’ve been around for most of this experience too, but Ryan
has had his moment in the “retirement sun…” and now I want to recognize
Heather. You kids are great, and will do
great things in your life, but this here is a watershed moment and we’re going
to make it about your mom.
In 1994, with almost everyone
I knew away at school or on missions, I found myself feeling very lonely. Lucky for me, and by many rights you, Heather
was home from BYU, engaged to Ryan and lonely too. We started to hang out (which we really
hadn’t done too much of since we’d started dating boys in high school. We went to a few movies and then suddenly, we
were besties….. and we were planning a wedding.
It was a fun and stressful time.
Ryan was in Cuba, processing Haitian refugees, and Matt was in Mexico on
a mission. I can remember Heather and I
daydreaming about how long it would reasonably take us to drive to the part of
Mexico Matt was in and wonder if somehow from there she could figure out a way
to see Ryan. Looking back, that whole
conversation deserves what I would term a Heather “Oh Brother.” We were so young and dumb. And yet everything seemed so serious. You were getting married. We were grown-ups now.
I can remember New Years Eve
1994 and you and I were Albertson’s buying food because we were spending the
night alone in your parent’s basement, watching Speed because Keanu Reeve
looked like Ryan. I remember you telling
two total strangers (airman from HAFB) that we were two single girls all alone
that night…. and then as soon as those beans had been spilled driving the “very
long” way home so we could be sure we weren’t being followed.
I remember your wedding at
the Lion House and how absolutely stunning you looked with your uber long veil
and those curls piled high on your head.
I remember watching you ride away in a carriage while Ryan’s mom felt
the need to impart one last little bit of advice….
And then I remember you
packing up your stuff and moving to Fort Hood.
Killeen, Texas. That was the big
time.
There are lots of stories
from those early years of your marriage… the struggles of blending families, of
setting up households. The realization
that as an Army wife, your life, at least for a while, would not be lived
according to your desires, but to Uncle Sam’s.
I came to visit and we did
things that to this day are fresh in my memory.
We went to Waco to see the Branch Davidian compound with it’s twisted
metal bikes and the ruins of a cult. We
took a mule-drawn carriage tour through downtown Waco and visited the Dr.
Pepper Museum. That float we had at the
end, when coupled with the heat, may have been the best thing I have ever
tasted.
That was the trip where I
first met Sally… and probably the one and only time I’ve ever put on a swimsuit
for a ward function. We went to San
Antonio and did the River Walk. The first
of many times that I would watch Heather insist on a military discount. It was also the first time I had ever gone to
church on vacation; heck, I even went to choir practice with Heather AND I ended up substituting in a
Primary class that day. That Sunday was
the day Ashlyn was born and the first time, to my knowledge, that Ryan had ever
borne his testimony in church. Heather
was so proud and she went home from church to call her mom to tell her.
That trip was the first of
many I have taken over the years to visit Heather and Ryan. Despite life in the military, we have been
present for a lot of special family events.
She was a bridesmaid at my wedding…. 6 months way pregnant and PCS’ing
to Germany. We talked and wrote through
Raith’s first year and I’ll openly admit now that I am super grateful they
didn’t name you Tristram….. I don’t care if it is a family name.
These first years, Ryan saw
deployments to Panama and Bosnia, and Heather literally kept the home fires
burning.
She was so excited when they
had the chance to move home for a while for Ryan to attend school at the
“U”. That was the year that Erin and
Zach were born. Heather, ever the ray of
sunshine, went about beautifying her grandpa’s home that they lived in, all the
while bemoaning a bathroom that had been occupied for sometime by an old man
with severe macular degeneration. But
like so many places they would call home, Heather set to making her home a
delight… displaying her beloved Polish pottery and her curio cabinet that contained
her Precious Moments figurines, a “LLadro”
or two (said in my best dramatic Heather voice) and her wedding veil that
threated to swallow up all of the aforementioned collectibles.
We had several game nights at
that house with McEwan’s and the Newton’s.
We all had babies; and they have all somehow survived to this
point. We potty-trained toddlers that
had wills stronger than most of the soldiers Ryan has encountered in his
military career. We scrapbooked, and
went to school. Ryan and I actually had
a couple of classes together at the “U” while I completely and totally limped
across the finish line for my degree.
There were discussions and
fights and eventual lessons about dogs and families and Camaros and motorcycles
and the future… we were together for Zach and Luke’s baby blessings and years
later for Zach’s baptism, despite the fact that some of these events were
postponed because Ryan was far away serving his country.
And then they moved to
Colorado; and we went to war. And in
March 2003, I tied yellow ribbons around everything that would hold still in my
front yard in support of Ryan and Heather.
He deployed and we visited Heather and the boys in Fort Carson. We ate out every night because we could. We made pancakes with cinnamon chips and
chocolate covered strawberries, and goodness gracious, Heather introduced me to
Hobby Lobby and we scrapbooked well past midnight every night for a week.
Heather came home that summer
and it nearly killed all of us when she headed back to Colorado in the fall so
Raith could start the first grade. This
was the first time in nearly 10 years that I watched Heather struggle as an
Army wife. And yet, she has always been
an example of strength and grace.
Although postings and deployments have been hard, she has ALWAYS risen
to the challenge. Dressing her boys in
camo and teaching them to sing “I’m in the Army Now.” I’ve watched her send care packages, among
other things, overseas to Ryan. I’ve
been with her when she’s down but trying her best to put on a brave face. She most definitely gets an award for being
one of the most patient, kind and forgiving daughter-in-laws that I have ever
known. She has always been kind and
overly considerate when planning visits “back home.”
She has served faithfully and
diligently in all of her church callings small and large, near and far. Despite the fact that she has often felt like
she has a target on her back when she attends a ward for the first time, she
has never thought to turn inward and hide her light under a bushel. Heather has given freely of her time and
talents wherever she has lived.
As a mother, she has been the
ultimate example of faith and perseverance.
She has always been open with her questions and her struggles…. but has
been equally filled with faith and gratitude as she and Ryan have sought
guidance for their family. She has
driven her kids to piano, to taekwondo, to dance and to scouts in cities and
towns all across America. She has pushed
and encouraged seminary and church attendance for all when it has been so hard;
and when nobody would blame her for letting some of that go. She has taught her children, and many others
around her, what it means to love one another.
There are many important
people in my life, who I would not know or love without Heather’s persistent
and loving efforts. Over the years we
have been through A LOT together; good and bad.
I was with her while she gave birth to Luke because Ryan was deployed in
Afghanistan. That day in the hospital
with Heather and Sally and Carla will ALWAYS be one that I remember fondly;
because Luke was born, of course, but as a testament to the power of strong
women, and friendships forged through struggle and shared experience. I would say to all of you kids here today
that these are the friendships you should seek out and nurture because they
will be the biggest blessings in your life.
We have matured, and we have
aged. Over the last ten years we have
traveled together as couples and families.
We have spent time on battlefields, in our Nation’s capital, in ancient
ruins and on beautiful beaches. We have
been extremely sunburned, seen the world’s smallest Hooters, been to Disney
World twice, run a few races together, talked politics ad nauseum, went on a
cruise, ate delicious food, had diarrhea, and talked about every topic under
the sun at least once.
Through the years, a casual
friendship that began in junior high has become a lifeline. Heather is part of my village…. she is a safe
place for me and my family. Matt and I
have joked more than once about Heather being my sister-wife. She mothers like I do; mostly trying to
balance overbearing tendencies with benign neglect.
She enjoys a good book as
much or more than I do and truly appreciates the little things I do; way more
than anyone who lives with me at my house.
As our kids have grown and
our marriages have stretched, we have had the occasion to “talk each other
down” and lift each other up.
It delights me to no end that
we are all here together today and that I am able to fondly remember all of the
experiences we have had together while looking forward to the future. I love that we are here and that our kids get
the chance to be friends. I cannot wait
for our next Girls Night Out or our weekend away. I am excited to see Ryan transition into life
as a civilian and for your family to get their fair share of “calm and normal:”
if that even exists. Hooray for Ute
football games, races in Disneyland, card making, scrapbooking, a vinyl
connection and somebody who talks about how much they really love to
exercise. (Yay! I’m really trying to be
sincerely happy about that last one.)
Congratulations Ryan, on your
retirement and thank you for you service.
Thanks for keeping life real and grounded and for being an open-minded
counter balance. Thank you for your
thoughtful discussion and the unwavering support that you and your family have
given all of us. Thank you for retiring
so Heather can come home and thank you (and all you other men folk) for
allowing and encouraging the strong women who stand before you today. I’ve always said that being married to me, or
Heather, or any of us, is not for the faint of heart.
Finally (tune back in if
you’ve fallen asleep) I want to say how grateful I am for the friendships we
share; for the people you are and the help and support you provide. Thanks to all you kids being awesome. Pick good friends because they are what gets
you through life, sometimes kicking and screaming, but you survive,
nonetheless.
Welcome home, we love you
all!
16. We are so lucky to have such great friends in our lives. I am grateful that Heather (and Sally, Dani and Nicole) love me enough to tell it like it is. And I want them to know that I love them enough to listen and to try my hardest to improve.
There's an entire blog post (nearly finished) to be posted soon about some of my encounters, activities and feelings about serving with the young girls at our church. By way of explanation and definition, it may fit under the ramblings of a mad woman, sound trite, or maybe it won't matter to you at all. I only mention it in this post because church activities, camps and lessons also took up a fair amount of my time this summer.
So back to the lessons learned. As a thoughtful exercise, I looked back through what I had written at the outset of summer and compared it to where I'm at now. Summer was good and we did sooooo many fun things. For the most part, I think we struck a fairly good balance between family and friends. We did not balance our time at home versus away from home very well. We were gone a lot. And the first few weeks of school have been an adjustment for all of us. But, I think we may finally be headed toward routine, so for that I'm grateful. I did not learn calligraphy (but I'm going to still.) I was not diligent in my efforts to keep my kids focused on their musical practices. Still not loving the laundry and the housework, but I will live to fight another day.
Summer 2016 was awesome. I had several experiences that helped me to gain perspective on who I am and what I want out of life. The struggle to reach those goals is never-ending, but I'll get there. In the meantime, I will be back in my craft room, trying to finish the cleaning job that I started months ago. It's still functional, but there's a bunch of stuff to organize and put away. My closet needs to be cleaned in the worst way and I am eagerly starting to plan my dad's retirement party which will be awesome.
Anyway, the bottom line is, summer is good, fall is good, winter is good and spring is best. So now, we put our heads down and prepare to push through the school year! Stay tuned for some great stories.
Oh, and P.S. I may be looking into a storage unit for all my party and holiday stuff. It's a little out of control!
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