A Farewell to Arms.... er, umm Uterus

This may end up being one of those posts that completely crosses the border into TMI; or it may not.  At this point, I'm not quite sure.  But if it does, and any of you are bothered by the discussion of my girly guts, I'll understand if you want to check the score of the game or go downstairs and watch paint dry.  I don't blame you.

On Tuesday, September 3, 2013, my dream came true!  It has been a dream that I've had since the spring of 1987 when I learned that what Judy Blume wrote about in "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret?" wasn't all it was cracked up to be.  I'm sorry, let me make it a little plainer... that was when I discovered what it meant to be a "woman" and consequently began to wish that I had been born a boy!

As I grew older, I learned to deal and cope with "that time of the month" but I have to say, it was nothing I ever loved.  Even as I realized that it was necessary if I someday wanted to have babies, I was left wondering about the logistics of the stork and the cabbage patch and why couldn't babies come from there?

So what is this dream of mine?  Actually, it was menopause, but thanks to a few recent medical developments, we've passed Go, collected our $200 and get to spend the years between now and actual menopause without Dear Aunt Flo.  I had a hysterectomy on Tuesday.

The recovery hasn't been too bad, so far, and I have to say that I'm honestly having a hard time finding a downside to this whole thing.  Strangely enough, when my doctor suggested this course of action, it was Matt that had the hardest time with the news.  I feel very comfortable with the decision we've made and am thrilled to finally have a definitive YOU ARE DONE HAVING CHILDREN sign.  Matt is sad to say goodbye to the baby phase of our lives, and although we knew it was coming, I think that his reaction was very sweet and touching.  I love that he loves our kids so much that he finds himself asking why we didn't have more, sooner.  However, after listening to him take care of things this week, I'm thinking he's probably counting his lucky stars that we only got to four!

In all seriousness though, it is a relief to know and feel like our family is complete with our two girls and our two boys.  This summer has been such a fun one with the kids in various ways that I can catch glimpses into the future; and I like what I see.

As I have had some time to sit and reflect on my childbearing years and experiences, I have had a few thoughts that I want to record for posterity (or just for myself since I'm evidently really old now.)  Some of them are poignant and some are practical, and some are just stupid, but whatever, my blog!

1.  I am grateful for my children and the joy they bring into my life.  I realize how lucky I am to have been blessed with four happy children, who so far, are not too big of a burden on society.  They have been healthy and I take great comfort in that.  We've had a few issues here and there, but overall, I feel incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to carry and bear children.

2.  I am grateful for those girly guts and their potential.  As much as I HATED that week of the month (which let's be honest, could sniff out a vacation or Girls Camp or school dances at 40 yards and change dates on a whim) I love the fact that this process allowed me to appreciate the gift my Heavenly Father gave me.  He gave me a body; that is awesome (a little on the fat side, but awesome just the same.)  Having a baby is not for wimps; but going through the process was a real confidence booster for a girl who spent the majority of her life trying to cover things up and hide in the back row.  Finally, I had a reason to be proud of my hips that could "birth a nation."  I had big healthy babies, who ate well and slept through the night by six-weeks-old; something I'm not sure I fully appreciated until I heard friends tell tales of being up every night for the first two years of their kids' lives.

3.  I am glad to have had the experiences I've had, because I'm sure that they prepared me to mother my daughters.  I am hopeful as we head into these teenage years that I can be candid and honest with these girls and we can have open discussions about the things they will question.  I openly make a promise to them that we will never have a house devoid of feminine hygiene products, so that they may always feel comfortable menstruating in our home.  There will be no Christmas Day runs to the 7-11 to look for beef jerky and tampons.  I will not force you to buy your own at the grocery store when the cute boy in Madrigals with you is the only checker open.  I will save my future son-in-laws from the litmus test of "how much does he really love me?"  I will make sure that you always have what you need and what you like; no off-brands for my girls!  This goes for after you've moved away and married too, because like I said, Aunt Flo is vindictive sometimes and she comes for a visit whenever she wants.

4.  I am AMAZED (and no that is no exaggeration) to find out how many women I know that have had this procedure done.  I can't tell you how many ladies have told me to gear up for the best years of my life.  Hallelujah!  Glad there's finally an upside.

5.  I am grateful and humbled by how many fantastic people I have in my life.  As I have recovered I have been so fortunate to have such great care and concern from neighbors and friends.  My family has been fed (which thanks, now, they've come to expect) and my children have been loved.  Especially my boys.  They've spent time with friends and with grandmas and have had a great time.  Although, if you've asked Jack what I had done, he'll tell you that I had surgery on my butt.  Obviously I'm great at explaining things to him.  Unfortunately, I now have a few more explanations I need to make to others.

6.  I am happy and a little bit sad that my kids reaction to this whole thing was disappointment that there would be no more babies at our house.  I guess I'm kinda sorta doing an okay job at this mom thing.  When I was pregnant over the years, I had average bouts of sickness and tiredness and what felt like laziness.  With the boys I started having panic attacks and migraine headaches and those 9 months felt like scenes from Lord of the Flies.  Ketchup goes good on Saltines, right? Fruit and fiber; exactly.  I was touched that my kids have enjoyed these child-bearing years and experiences as much as I have and that they'll miss them.

7.  Thank you to my Grandpa Jones and my Aunt Suzy for the beautiful flowers they sent.  I love flowers.  I know they die, either by themselves or with my help, but they're so nice while they're here.

8.  Sorry to my sweet niece Stella, who was blessed today without me there.  Not that she's going to care or even remember, but sorry I missed it all the same.

9.  Another random thought.... I can totally see how people become addicted to pain pills.  I am in love with my Percocet and am rationing the 25 pills they gave me when I left the hospital.  It is the closest thing to the relief and comfort of an epidural and a warm blanket during the delivery of my babies.  On a related note, I may or may not have said or done things I shouldn't while under the influence, so please accept my apology.

10.  I have greatly enjoyed being in my house.  Although I straight up told the doc that I wanted TWO days in the hospital after my surgery, I was antsy to get home and lay in my own bed and get more that six channels on the TV.  A shout out to my awesome husband Matt who helped me rearrange the furniture and change the sheets and duvet cover on my bed last weekend in preparation for my recovery.  Oh, and then go and buy me new bedding because Will crapped on said sheets and duvet cover.  I have thoroughly enjoyed laying in bed, watching way too much Food Network and HGTV.

11. Finally, because every list has to have ELEVEN things (whatever).... I am grateful that my bowels and bladder were not prolapsed and that I can poop again (yep, just crossed the line.)  Never underestimate the power of a good BM!


Let me close this post by saying that I am feeling better and hope to actually wear pants and a bra tomorrow.  However, please don't pass judgement if you see me walking around the neighborhood in my nightgown; it's new and is silky, so I might just have to show it off.