A Point of Clarification

This lovely picture was taken on the morning on February 6, 2012; the day that my life changed forever.

This is me today; one month later and 17.1 pounds lighter.  

The first picture does not reflect the 21 pounds I had lost since Christmas.  

So I posted on Facebook this morning that I had lost 17.1 pounds during the last month and a number of you have asked what I am doing..... I have waited nearly 4 months to post about this, and hopefully this explains part of my absence over the course of the last little while.

On Monday, February 6, I had a procedure called a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy.  In essence my surgeon removed 2/3 of my stomach.  When I'm fully healed from this whole adventure, my stomach will hold about 4-6 ounces of food.  This procedure has been used for years to treat ulcers; in fact, both of my grandfathers had this done and I hadn't even made the connection.

Why did I do this?  Well most of you who know me, know that I have never been what some would call "slight."  I've always had some meat on my bones and I have tried since I turned 12, lo those many years ago, to try and figure out how to manage my body and my weight.  Everything stayed pretty much in check through high school despite the horrible eating habits that teenagers are known for.  Well, when I graduated, went to college, got a desk job and started real life, the weight really started to rear it's ugly head.  Over the years I have tried pills, diets and been a Weight Watchers dropout more times than I'd care to mention, with small amounts of success.  I've had personal trainers and tried to exercise on my own.  I have a husband who is very supportive and concerned about my health... but it didn't seem to make any lasting difference.  As anyone who has dieted can attest, it's very hard to lose weight and even harder to maintain.  From my experience, this is multiplied exponentially when you have a great deal of weight to lose, i.e. more than a hundred pounds.  I could deny myself and force myself to exercise for 6-8 months, but I didn't ever see the kind of success that would put me on the cover of People magazine.

So after some investigation, a lot of thought, discussion and even more prayer, I made the decision to have this surgery.  In the end, I am hoping to lose 125 pounds; that way my drivers license wouldn't be a bold-faced lie anymore!  Sad to say that I have several items in my closet that have been with me through pregnancies that I'd like to get rid of.

So here I am at Salt Lake Regional Medical Center on the morning of my surgery.

I look hot, I know.

We checked in, I got this spiffy outfit and these really cool socks and got ready for the surgery.  I have to admit that I was a little scared because outside of having my wisdom teeth extracted and ear tubes and tonsils as a kid, I haven't been through any surgical procedures.  The courage it took for me to do this was great, considering all the horror stories you hear about people dying after elective procedures.  This has happened in my family....  I know this is real.

I have four beautiful children and an awesome husband that I love with all my heart and I would hate to be taken away from them too soon.  In the end, it was this very fact that convinced me to move forward. I want to be a good example to my children; especially my daughters.  I don't want them to have to endure what I have had to endure in regards to this issue.  I finally realized that the only way I was going to be a positive influence on my family was to make this change for myself.

This is me in my room after my procedure.  Obviously, since I am smiling, I am still doped up.  

After a couple of days in the hospital, I came home to start the real work.  I have to say that I have never experienced discomfort in my life like I had the first few days home.  Although the procedure is done through a series of laprscopic incisions, the gas bubbles I had after the fact were killer!  I couldn't lay down, roll over on my side, do much of anything but sleep in a chair.  So I sat there and watched the first season of Downton Abbey and became addicted to Food Porn; watching Food Network and the Cooking Channel and wishing that I could eat something that would require chewing.  I had been on liquids for a week before my surgery and had two weeks of liquids after the fact.  The last two weeks I have been on "soft foods" which means anything mushy, soft, pureed or chewed to the consistency of paste.  Jealous, aren't you?  Over the last four weeks I haven't had more than 500 calories a day to eat and have been trying to get back into the routine of being me; but trying to reinvent myself at the same time.

A couple of observations.

• You may not see me in anything but sweats and stretchy clothes for the next 3 months.  I tried on a pair of jeans a couple of weeks ago, and damn it if they still fit and hurt for that matter.  With three incisions on my waist line, I'm going to take the chicken way out and live in sweats!  
• I REALLY miss bread!  I'll be able to add it back in later, but right now it is not a part of my diet.
• Learning to cook healthy things may be a bit of a challenge for me.  Let's be honest, cooking is hard for me in general, but healthy cooking, that may take a bit of getting used to.
• I have a wonderful family support system.  Matt has been awesome at helping and my mom has been a saint.  Because of lifting restrictions I can't lift Will and since Matt has been gone over the last couple of weeks, my Mom has kept Will and taken care of him.  Between her and my mother-in-law, my laundry has been done and my children have been fed and cared for.  How blessed I feel.
• I have wonderful friends and neighbors.  When we moved here 6 years ago, I couldn't put my finger on the reason why this house was THE HOUSE; but it was and I'm so grateful I listened.  We had meals from friends, help with carpools and more support and love than I ever thought I deserved.  Again, I feel incredibly blessed.

So here I am, a month out, trying to figure out a new normal.  I'm not quite back to all my activities, but I'm feeling really great about the decision I made.  It was definitely drastic and not something I considered lightly, but I feel deep down that this was the best decision I could have made.  Contrary to what many people think, learning to live this way is HARD.  This is definitely not the easy way out.  However, when all is said and done, I believe this will be worth it.

I am so grateful for the love and support of family and friends.  I am grateful for modern medicine and for the medical personnel that have made this change possible.  I look forward to my new life and hope to experience all the great things that life has to offer.