The first sissy, Erin. I'm sad to report that I fear we've entered those dreaded tween years; which only leads to teen years. She is now officially too cool to hang out with her family. While we were in DC with Matt's family, Erin was doing everything she possibly could to spend time away from Matt and me. "Can I go with ........?" was the question of the day. Now in one instance, I'd chalk it up to a baby, except we have one too. The other explanation for her desired independence could have been the extra cell phone I brought to give to the girls as we looked at things. Erin has a tendency to get a little lost in her thoughts sometimes, and so she doesn't always notice when she gets left behind. We got a couple "I'm lost" phone calls last week. She was content, and mostly well-behaved, as long as she wasn't with us. It worked out okay, but I'm not sure I'm ready for this phase just yet.
Now the second sissy, Allie. I am at a loss with this child. She is such a good girl. Too good, in fact. She spends so much time worrying about all possible scenarios that she might encounter, that she literally makes herself sick. The night before we left found her hunched over my toilet, chucking her guts out because she was nervous about the plane ride. Evidently, she felt a tad motion-sick on our way home from Milwaukee a couple of weeks ago, and didn't like having to take a connecting flight. After the puke and blood were cleaned up (she got a bloody nose just before she started throwing up) and her teeth were brushed, I'm not ashamed to say I drugged my child to get her to sleep.
Since that experience, Dramamine has been our constant companion on this vacation. I don't know what is causing it, but the Dramamine seems to fix the tummy ache. Praise be, modern pharmaceuticals. There is a whole side story about her tummy aches, and the attention I think she thinks they give her. Needless to say, we'll be going to the doctor for a full work-up when we return, but in the meantime, Dramamine it is.
Well, one of the things about this trip was the fact that Matt has to work in Akron, OH for a couple of days. I am in Akron right now. Jealous??? Anyway, because he has the car all day, and to save my children hours of boredom and my sanity, my awesome brother and sister-in-law offered to meet us in Pittsburgh and take our older three kids to their house in Columbus, and we would join them later today. Great plan, right? Except for my sweet Allie-bear has decided that she CANNOT be separated from me. She has cried, wailed, and called at least 40 times in the last 24 hours. She is driving me crazy; so I can only imagine how things are going at my brother's house. Erin, who I asked to take care of her sister, is evidently "so over" dealing with the drama, and even my mom, who is still in Utah, has switched from her grandmother role, to the no-nonsense mother I remember growing up with and has tried to give Allie a healthy dose of "it's not all about you and get over yourself."
Are you ready for my diagnosis... I think it's mostly in her head. I say mostly because her Homer side of the family is known for having stomach issues, so it's entirely possible that she has a sensitive stomach. Add to that the fact that I, myself suffer from anxiety, this kid might be on to something. She suffers from a major case of the "should haves" courtesy of her dad's side and has convinced herself that there is always a better option that she may have missed. I also think that she might have emetophobia, which is an irrational fear of vomit. By the way, the jury is still out on whether free wi-fi in a hotel room is a good thing.
So folks, I need some help. If you read this blog, and I think there are at least a few of you because I make you, I need your advice. I am not looking to medicate my dear daughter, but how do I help her get over this, because it's going to get worse if it doesn't get better quick? She is persistent, and stubborn, and there was a point in time that I had actually rented a car yesterday to go and get her. Props to the "no-nonsense Mom" who convinced me not to give into her demands. Matt's philosophy of "not negotiating with terrorists in any form" was tested yesterday, for sure. How do I help her to not worry and stress so much? I spend a lot of time worrying about what-ifs, but I have no problem with the "I should haves." Matt struggles a little more with second-guessing himself but has no problem going with the flow. My poor Allie.
Any and all advice would be appreciated, unless it starts with... "you find a homeless man." Hugs, kisses and hope for a barf-free day. (I should write cards for Hallmark, I know.)
7 comments:
Too too funny. At least for me peering inside, right? I am so sorry, I have no idea how to help. I only get the "wish I would haves" when I make a bad choice, like ironing on my wood table top, and accidentally running a comb with brown dye in it through Will's golden blonde hair :( It sounds like maybe having a nice serious heart to heart with her about what she is afraid of, what the big deal would be if she missed out on a better option, and what is the worst possible thing that could happen. I don't doubt for a minute that you have already done this, but it is always nice to have a deep heart to heart with these crazy kidlets. Good luck and lemmeno how it goes so that I know how to handle mine in a few years.
I would buy your cards from Hallmark!
Ok, my Zoe is just seven and she has some serious anxiety. She doesn't do the puking, thank goodness, but she does the melt downs. I was talking to my mom about it and she actually gave me come good advice. She suggested that Zoe and I have something we do together but we keep it secret from the boys. We have been doing little bike rides without the stinky boys knowing or coming with. It has been fun to spend a little one on one with her. I have also started reading the 5 love language book, I got suckered in, and I think Zoe is the type of person that needs time. That is my only advice, its weak but it's something. Or maybe we should just put Ritalin in the water like we do with Flouride?
PS Love the new look:)
My advice? Find an awesome child psychologist. I have one here in Provo. His wait list for new patients is two or three months, but SO worth it. Sometimes it takes an authority figure - who is not mom or dad or gma or anyone else with a vested interest - to get the kid to listen and learn. I think this is especially true with intelligent kids. Afterall, what do we know? We're just the mom.... LOL
Westley had horrible anxiety, borderline phobic. I had tried talking to him/reasoning with him, but it never worked. Dr. Hyde saw him a handful of times, talked to him about the same things I had, but this time it worked. Westley will still start to worry sometimes, but now all I have to do it remind him of "what Dr Hyde said" and he's able to cope, think through it and move on.
Maybe try talking out all the scenarios that are in her head and answering what would happen/how they would be solved if they happened? My youngest is a worrier and it can be such a pain. She gets it from my mother-in-law it drives me nuts. I want to say JUST LIVE LIFE AND WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS! SHEESH! Instead I have tried to just answer all of the what if's -What if our house catches on fire? We call the fire dept. What if there is a tornado? the sirens will go off, we will take cover, what if the tornado is by our house and it damages it? we have insurance, we can replace things. Etc.... usually this will calm her some. If I have a rational answer to each of her irrational fears it seems to help. Just reassure her that she is ok and that you are ok and that you won't do anything fun until you are with her again. (then just don't tell her about all the fun stuff you did while you were away from her lol) Good luck!! I am thinking of ya!
I've never known Allie to have any sort of motion sickness. Leah will be so relieved to hear that she's not the only one! I think a good chat with Dr. Quincy might do her some good. Dr. Leah (again, so sad that Dr. Bancroft is gone) has said that excessive worrying is a warning sign of childhood depression. So even if it's just in her head, it'll be good to know exactly what you're dealing with. And in the meantime...I would assume that doing whatever makes her content will have to do for the rest of your trip. And since we're on our way out shortly, we'll be praying for her and for you....and for a vomit free vacation!!! Love you :)
My first true "head to head" and I lost :( However, if I am truly honest, I am ingesting all of the good advice you've been given and seeing how I can apply it to MY life (tee hee) So here comes my standard advice...Hang in there! Always remember to love them, no matter what! (and a mani/pedi never hurts)
Smack her. Just kidding. I have no advice because, as you know I have a child that has a crazy fear of dogs and runs around cars screaming like a girl to get away from them. However, I've just given up on reacting to him. If he's scared, he's scared. He stays in the van while we're at granna's house because she has a vicious Chihuahua (I would do the same, but for other reasons :)). But ignoring it helped him deal with all the dogs other tourists and campers had a Yellowstone. I realize you can't ignore everything with Allie and traveling because you have plans - but ignoring it will force her to work through it or guiding her to work through it herself might make her feel more in control. What do I know though?
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